Enough Already on the Licensing Overkill

Licensing

The product or service that you’d like to use requires mandatory Astute Licensing. If you’re not sure what Astute Licensing is or need more information, please purchase a mandatory Explanation License prior to having it spelled out for you in all of its bewildering detail. This provides ease of use for Gratuitous Complexity and Cost (GCC) license management, consumption, and tracking. It includes vastly simplified perpetual (as defined and redefined by us as we see fit) profiteering network licenses (both Hostage and Extortion) and term-based software subscription licenses (Exploitation Essentials, Hubris, and Ransom). The Exploitation software subscription licenses, in addition to native capabilities, also unlock additional haughtiness in Exploitation Center, enabling revenue extraction synergies that ensure our confidence in draining wealth for services that you may or may not use or want. In the spirit of innovation, we require you to ongoingly pay for a nebulous bean pot full of marketspeak, which shows our commitment to taking a bigger slice of your IT budget.

In order to connect anything to any other thing, Exploitation software subscription licenses are required for each 90-degree angle found both on and inside of individual product packaging. Anyone (defined as any noun) working on, using, reading about, or physically located within a stone’s throw (as defined by our Chief Exploitation Officer) of the product or service that you’d like to use must have an Exploitation license. Subscription licenses are purchased when a customer so much as accidentally finds our click-bait when looking at the online news. In most cases, this is not only a mandatory attach, but you are privileged to be part of our licensing empire and are expected to tip your License Concierge.

The product or service that you’d like to use supports several operational permutations. The specifics of each are irrelevant as you’ll be paying for all of them under our Exploitation framework. Under the terms of Gratuitous Complexity and Cost, eventually each customer will advance to the Stockholm Syndrome tier where all of this not only makes sense, but you will sadly embrace it. Upon expiration of the Exploitation software subscription license, we will redefine “perpetual” and come up with new strategies to market solutions in search of problems that customers will pay for because we leave little practical choice, but not need or want.

Note that it is not required to deploy Exploitation Center (EC), but licenses for EC are still mandatory under our “Only Buy What You Don’t Need or Use And What You Actually Do” strategy.

Managing licenses with Gratuitous Cost and Complexity Accounts

Creating Astute Accounts by using the Astute Manager enables us to be all up in your business in exciting new ways. It’s like having a virtual license Nazi in-house who radios his superiors about your license usage 24/7 on his own little clandestine shortwave radio while pretending to maybe be your mechanic or drinking buddy. Astute Manager requires it’s own licensing framework, which can’t be shared without purchase of Explanation License.

Welcome to the new reality.

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