It was only a dream. But it was a c-r-a-z-y dream. There were no chemicals ingested prior to the slumber that contained the dream, either- so just get those thoughts out of your head up front. But it seemed so real. Me and the Red Hot Chili Peppers… doing some cabling work. I kid you not. Here’s what I recall of it, and the lessons that these awesome rockers took away from our imaginary time together.
I was up front at a Peppers concert, and they were just getting into By The Way.
Standing in line
To see the show tonight
And there’s a light on
By the way I tried to say
I’d be there, waiting for
Dani the girl
Is singing songs to me
Beneath the marquee, overload
And BOOM! All the stage equipment went dead as soon as Anthony got to “overload”.
For some reason, I was suddenly backstage with the band (in my own favorite incarnation- Anthony, Chad, Flea, and John Frusciante). Chad looked disgusted, and before he wandered off he said something like “I’m getting too old for this. Why the hell do run our own data cables any more for these shows?” That was the last I saw of him. Flea (who is not English, but he had a Cockney accent for some reason in this scenario) shouted “I told you wankers to actually LABEL things and test your work!” Then he too disappeared.
Anthony said nothing, but he looked seriously pissed. John asked me “can you help us? We gotta get this stuff going again, man…” Now, I have no idea why a bunch of data cables would have anything to do with the lights and sound on stage crapping out for the Peppers, and I’m here to tell you that it’s irrelevant. These guys needed my help.
For some reason we had to climb on top of an RV to where like fifty or so UTP cables were hanging, and a bunch had sloppily crimped on ends and were coupled together with RJ45 couplers. Flea was right, nothing was labeled. Anthony continued to say nothing, and John did all the talking. In magic dream speed, he showed me a few patch panels, their patch cables, and lots of odd little things that needed straightening out. We had to rerun a bunch of cables, and even put a new rack in the RV. John got a roadie to film the whole thing, so he could play it back to Chad and Flea later, which I thought was really good thinking.
Anthony worked with us, still never saying a word and looking really angry, sometimes at me. It was freaking me out, because I was trying to help him.
So how it finished out… We basically got all their wiring issues fixed. John was excellent, and he told me Anthony was just intense, and not really pissed which I was okay with. Anthony actually gave me a hug, and a carton of Dunkin Donut Holes. The band got back on stage to finish the concert, and I got to hang out offstage and monitor their “LEDs”, having no idea what I was looking at. The crowd didn’t seem to notice that the band was gone for however long it took to fix all the wiring. At the end, Anthony said “Goodnight, Poland! We love you!” and I was now mildly worried how I’d be getting home from Poland.
Before we went to what certainly would have a been a kick-ass afterparty, Anthony called us all into a room and wanted to white-board what they would do different on their next cabling job. Here’s what that amounted to:
Alas, I did miss the dream party because I woke up, but felt that I got to be pals with John Frusciante which was pretty cool. And I KNOW that if the dream Chili Peppers keep running their own dream data cables for other people’s dream concerts, they have me to thank for doing it right from now on.
(This is a true story- I bored my wife with it at breakfast.)