A New Way of Measuring Network Uptime

So, I think the whole “five nines” thing has run it’s course. I’m trying to figure out how to write a dashboard that measures network uptime in “Ordinary World” video by Duran Duran.

We know that the video runs 4:40, or 280 seconds. We also know that in an hour, with no ads, we can watch it almost 13 times (12.86 times to be exact). Which means we lose .14 x 4:40, or 39.2 seconds off the end of the video. That puts you about here when the hour is up:ordinary1

Which happens to be where Simon breaks out an awesome falsetto

Every wooooooorld is my wooooorld
I will learn to survive

Epic. Man, that guy could sing the DHCP RFC and I’d get weak in the knees. But back to the important stuff.

Given that we get 12.86 OWU (Ordinary World Units) in an hour, we can extrapolate the following baseline metrics:

– 308.56 OWU in a day
– 2,160.48 OWU/week
– 112,344 OWU/year

That’s going to be pretty pivotal information when the other network monitoring tools switch over to Ordinary World Units, I’m pretty sure. Granted, I’m struggling with how this will all play out, but it will be along the lines of:

Check your uptime at some interval. Let’s say you were in “Day View” at 8:30 AM. For 100% uptime, that would be as many Ordinary World loops as fit in 30,600 seconds (8.5 hours starting at midnight. The data science behind it would be:

30,600/280(1) squared, then take the square root. That gives you 109.29 OWU, and puts you right about here in the video:


Sure- this one doesn’t look like much. But neither does some stupid line chart with time hacks on it’s cold X and Y axises. In this screen grab, we actually see a pivotal visual transition that combines with a fleeting music-only audio period that leads into

What has happened to it all?
Crazy someone say

BUT- that would be with 100% uptime! Let’s say we lost thirty seconds to an inadvertent jiggle of a fiber uplink. Now, we’d be actually be back here, at 109.18 OWU:


So you can see we’re 1000 ms into the video, where the mystery lady *maybe* is marrying the dorky guy? Or is he just a friend or maybe a family member? And is she even getting married, or just strolling around the gardens showing off her shoulders and jaunty hat while the band members lurk around looking both fashionable and slightly creepy? IT DOESN’T MATTER- YOU HAD 30 SECONDS OF DOWNTIME AND THIS CONFIRMS IT.

(There are no lyrics here at this point in the video, only the infectious interplay between John’s guitar and Roger’s, with a hint of Nick’s keyboards to tickle the back corner of your mind.)

Hopefully you can see the methodology here and how it’s extensible nature makes it scalable for any network. Again, I’m not quite dialed in on the details of the entire framework, but can already see where maybe this could port over to Billy Idol HIC (Hot in the City) Units, as an alternative protocol offering

As I finish working through the AI (and hyper complex licensing) behind this disruptive technology in network metrics, I’m also developing training materials as I expect a fairly high demand early after it goes public.

One snippet from the certification exam:ordinary4


And with this bit of stupidity in the can, I’m off to vacation, baby!

1 thought on “A New Way of Measuring Network Uptime

  1. John Cosgrove

    UMmmmmm….Yes I had to read this to the end to see where you were going with it. The combination of music and networking kept me reading…..LOL


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