Can You Imagine If North Korea Had Wi-Fi Products To Market?

Ah, rhetoric. It’s all around us, from blowhard politicians (we must do this- for the children!) to WLAN product marketing (10x better!). But nobody does it better than North Korea. From the linked news report:

In 2013, the North warned the top American commander in South Korea of “miserable destruction” if the U.S. military pressed ahead…

The North said the announcement of the this year’s drills “is little short of the declaration of a total nuclear stand-off,” 

the exercises will cause the North-South ties to plunge into an “unimaginable holocaust and that disaster will follow should they go ahead with the nuclear war drills and make military provocation, defying our warning,” 

Dennis Rodman’s “friend for life” certainly has some impressive mongers in his Rhetoric Staff Pool, but I wonder what would happen if these same folks had a wireless product line to market? I mean, WLAN marketing can already be adventurous at times- add the North Korean flare to it, and there’s no telling how far it could go…

Maybe we’d get the likes of these gems:

The People’s Spectrum Avengers will drive interference writhing in pain into the RF abyss

With channels made wide by bravery and honor, our bandwidth will crush the competition to total pulp

Powerful packet streams will obliterate the aggressive savage jitter of our enemy in a Wi-Fi Holy War

Our deadly antennas are mounted on titanium masts and positioned to reign down a sea of fire on legacy clients

High-gain warrior arrays can reach any competitors’ controllers with precision flaming arrows of BYOD

Our sentinels routinely mitigate the enemy’s airborne packetizers on divine planes of battle with merciless offensives

We sternly warn interfering clients from the nest of evil to cease their crafty ploy or face certain defeat by our secret spectrum of nuclear modulation tool

We use 40 MHz in 2.4 GHz as fiery shield of strategy. To challenge is a suicidal daydream

Internet of Things is despicable trickster thrice-cursed of trickery, and our new HTML 5 dashboard can tame it to prevent overthrow of the state

OK, so maybe these are a little raw. But man, if North Korea ever gets a tech industry, I might switch to marketing. You could really get a lot of aggression out during the course of the work day.

One thought on “Can You Imagine If North Korea Had Wi-Fi Products To Market?

  1. Biggus Richardus

    Don’t forget that Kim Jong-Il has a 3’4″ antenna!

    (According to the North Korean edition of the Guinness Book of World Records, that was also the length of… um… little Kim Jong-Il.)


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